When reading aloud, for which this is meant,
Please keep in your mind that the @ is silent;
For names unfamiliar that cause you to think,
Fear not, as each one is a link.
To all real poets, I send utmost apol’gies
Most of all to R. Angell, king of this style of homilies.
* * *
In 2011, a year oh so sweet,
I truly engaged in the world of the tweet
For news and for humor, I must give my thanks
To at least some of the folks who fill out its ranks:
When I am in need of a funny retort,
I steal from the master @BorowitzReport.
For my twitter one liners I have gotten the hang,
From the comic machine, one @JohnFugelsang.
Sometimes I find that I laugh ‘til I cough
With rapid witticisms from wry @ditzkoff,
But when I want theatre news, then the best tweets to see,
Are those that are tagged @patrickhealynyt;
And @HellerNYT, please don’t critique my poor meter,
As I’ve struggled to name your gang at @nytimestheater.
All news from the Times may come out helter skelter,
But it’s diced, chopped and shortened by fine @BrianStelter;
West coast theatre news is most accurately sung,
Also in that direction, where the weather’s oft fair,
When it’s news of what’s up in my home state show biz,
As our twitter crowd gathers comes a pair of renown,
I promise that if you’ll just play the piano,
You’ll get zero guff from @ccaggiano.
Our joy and amusement will never be scanty,
Long as we see the work of Miss @laurabenanti.
Or who else to admire, well don’t you suppose,
That we’re just as enchanted by @anikanonirose?
And for late night odd tweets that have us gasping for breath,
Look only to the nocturnal @kchenoweth.
Rock, roll and showtunes surely deserve a hand
For that dynamo Alice and @RipleytheBand.
Among great musical stars, I count myself luckily
As one who can send a DM to @BettyBuckley.
For comic repartee, both swift and not mean,
Doff your cap to Spinal Tap’s great @mjmckean,
I envy him greatly at his end of the rainbow,
Nightly he goes home to kiss lovely gal @JimmyJindo.
For what I write here, I might land in hell,
When compared to the verse of Heights’ Lin_Manuel,
And while naming Tony winners is no longer my hobby,
I call out to another awards champ, @LopezBobby.
From theatre critics’ ranks, I’ll raise a loud shout,
To intrepid arts traveler Mr. @terryteachout.
Opinions? Time Out New York most certainly had ‘em,
And out in Chicago theatre folks most aspire,
And though not down with Twitter, the News’s Joe Dziemianowicz.
At the @wsj, there’s a big three-way tie:
While our online debates devolve into “Yo Mama,”
I wish only the best to @petermarksdrama.
For Canadian news, I’ve had the good luck,
On drama thoughts British, he’s the West End’s accurate gauge,
The constantly flying scribe Mark @ShentonStage.
Other good English journos, I’ll serve pudding figgy
Bloggers you shouldn’t miss and I often have thunk-a,
If you want your blog reads at a passionate pitch,
You need go no further than bold soul @clydefitch.
For countless articles, and blog posts, we surely all hail,
Encyclopedic digest-er Thomas — hey @youvecottmail!
For all of the satires that they have loosed,
Let’s laugh with the trio known as the @reduced,
And Shakespearean buffs cannot possibly shame me,
As I praise able Bard tender, one @ASC_Amy.
As @2amt grows to influence more,
We owe debt to its founder — nimble guy, that @dloehr.
While praising @2amt, I’d be called a phony
Immersed in new plays that they want to see flower.
Say it’s social media you want to shmooze with,
Meet the folks behind ads, displays, flyers and hypes,
Bravely dipping toes into Twitter, he’s surely the one,
Stalwart Goodman head honcho @RobertFalls201.
While east coasters may think that she’s out in the sticks,
There’s wisdom to garner from @LindainPhoenix;
If you study in Boston, it’s Emerson’s plus,
To offer the classes of kind @JulieHennrikus.
Former colleagues of yore I praise with élan,
Even anonymous tweeters I’ve goodwill allotted,
Because he’s so gracious, he won’t slander my rhymin’,
Cheers to even-toned theatre buff @nprscottsimon;
And I’ll happily share a most seasonal bagel
With playwright and radio host — wait wait, @PeterSagal!
Compared to most humans, we’re mired in sloth
When contrasted with Jujamcyn’s prez, @Jordan_Roth.
At @TectonicTheater there’s no manager finer,
Than skillful good-natured tweep, their @gregreiner.
You’re feeling parched? Let us drink some wassail
If you’ve known me for years this won’t come as a shocker
That I send holiday wishes to old friend @Kockenlocker.
Another longtime associate whose opinions I rate,
Is the veteran publicist @Bubbles2828;
Among new p.r. folk most particular fine,
Warm jacket and mittens I send @TDFNYC greeter,
The cheerful and inventive @EricaMTheatre.
At the @NewVictory, for your kids and you,
Works the good-humored @JamieNYC42.
‘Round restored @LincolnCenter these guys built a fine berth,
Though she’s mostly afar, on the dance floor I’d twirl
My Aussie companion, stalwart show gal @DramaGirl;
While we’re Down Under we’ll get our egg nog on,
At this season of kindness I must also bless,
Humanist playwright @GwydionS;
To the convicts at Sing Sing @_PlainKate_ brings the art,
She’s admired by me and most astute @TheaterSmart.
There are so many playwrights whose debts we are in,
To past homes of employment highest praises I’ll sing:
For those not found here, please don’t be offended,
Since holiday cheer’s what I fully intended,
It may be that your handle was too tough to rhyme,
Or that after much effort, I ran out of time.
To all who have patience with my obsession Twitter
I shower you all with confetti and glitter,
Here’s to the topics into which we will delve
In the next theater year, two thousand and twelve.