A Twitter Holiday Poem

December 14th, 2011 § 1 comment

When reading aloud, for which this is meant,

Please keep in your mind that the @ is silent;

For names unfamiliar that cause you to think,

Fear not, as each one is a link.

To all real poets, I send utmost apol’gies

Most of all to R. Angell, king of this style of homilies.

*   *   *

In 2011, a year oh so sweet,

I truly engaged in the world of the tweet

For news and for humor, I must give my thanks

To at least some of the folks who fill out its ranks:

When I am in need of a funny retort,

I steal from the master @BorowitzReport.

For my twitter one liners I have gotten the hang,

From the comic machine, one @JohnFugelsang.

Sometimes I find that I laugh ‘til I cough

With rapid witticisms from wry @ditzkoff,

But when I want theatre news, then the best tweets to see,

Are those that are tagged @patrickhealynyt;

And @HellerNYT, please don’t critique my poor meter,

As I’ve struggled to name your gang at @nytimestheater.

All news from the Times may come out helter skelter,

But it’s diced, chopped and shortened by fine @BrianStelter;

West coast theatre news is most accurately sung,

In the tweets of @latimes editor, sharp lady @lfung.

Also in that direction, where the weather’s oft fair,

Come dispatches via @moorejohn and @JimHebert.

When it’s news of what’s up in my home state show biz,

I’ve only to turn to @joesview and @showriz.

As our twitter crowd gathers comes a pair of renown,

Please play for us @GeorgiaStitt and @MrJasonRBrown!

I promise that if you’ll just play the piano,

You’ll get zero guff from @ccaggiano.

Our joy and amusement will never be scanty,

Long as we see the work of Miss @laurabenanti.

Or who else to admire, well don’t you suppose,

That we’re just as enchanted by @anikanonirose?

And for late night odd tweets that have us gasping for breath,

Look only to the nocturnal @kchenoweth.

Rock, roll and showtunes surely deserve a hand

For that dynamo Alice and @RipleytheBand.

Among great musical stars, I count myself luckily

As one who can send a DM to @BettyBuckley.

For comic repartee, both swift and not mean,

Doff your cap to Spinal Tap’s great @mjmckean,

I envy him greatly at his end of the rainbow,

Nightly he goes home to kiss lovely gal @JimmyJindo.

For what I write here, I might land in hell,

When compared to the verse of HeightsLin_Manuel,

And while naming Tony winners is no longer my hobby,

I call out to another awards champ, @LopezBobby.

From theatre critics’ ranks, I’ll raise a loud shout,

To intrepid arts traveler Mr. @terryteachout.

Opinions? Time Out New York most certainly had ‘em,

With the sage @davidcote and the sharp @FeldmanAdam,

And out in Chicago theatre folks most aspire,

To praise from @ChrisJonesTrib and Time Out’s good @krisvire.

Sing ho, for @AP’s Mark @KennedyTwits,

And though not down with Twitter, the News’s Joe Dziemianowicz.

At the @wsj, there’s a big three-way tie:

Ellen Gamerman, @piacatton and new friend @barbarachai.

While our online debates devolve into “Yo Mama,”

I wish only the best to @petermarksdrama.

For Canadian news, I’ve had the good luck,

To meet @globeandmail’s intrepid Kelly @nestruck.

On drama thoughts British, he’s the West End’s accurate gauge,

The constantly flying scribe Mark @ShentonStage.

Other good English journos, I’ll serve pudding figgy

To The @Guardian’s @lyngardner and her colleague Ms. @chiggi.

Bloggers you shouldn’t miss and I often have thunk-a,

Read wise @parabasis and smart @Geohunka.

If you want your blog reads at a passionate pitch,

You need go no further than bold soul @clydefitch.

For countless articles, and blog posts, we surely all hail,

Encyclopedic digest-er Thomas — hey @youvecottmail!

For all of the satires that they have loosed,

Let’s laugh with the trio known as the @reduced,

And Shakespearean buffs cannot possibly shame me,

As I praise able Bard tender, one @ASC_Amy.

As @2amt grows to influence more,

We owe debt to its founder — nimble guy, that @dloehr.

While praising @2amt, I’d be called a phony

If I omit @travisbedard and @halcyontony.

Applaud @Pollykcarl and also @ddower,

Immersed in new plays that they want to see flower.

Say it’s social media you want to shmooze with,

See DC’s @allihouseworth and @devonvsmith.

Meet the folks behind ads, displays, flyers and hypes,

Here’s @trishamead, ol’ @chadbauman and skillful @spinstripes.

Bravely dipping toes into Twitter, he’s surely the one,

Stalwart Goodman head honcho @RobertFalls201.

While east coasters may think that she’s out in the sticks,

There’s wisdom to garner from @LindainPhoenix;

If you study in Boston, it’s Emerson’s plus,

To offer the classes of kind @JulieHennrikus.

Former colleagues of yore I praise with élan,

@Jcravens42 and fundraiser skilled @mcahalane.

Even anonymous tweeters I’ve goodwill allotted,

To @BroadwayGirlNYC and the sharp @BroadwaySpotted.

Because he’s so gracious, he won’t slander my rhymin’,

Cheers to even-toned theatre buff @nprscottsimon;

And I’ll happily share a most seasonal bagel

With playwright and radio host — wait wait, @PeterSagal!

Compared to most humans, we’re mired in sloth

When contrasted with Jujamcyn’s prez, @Jordan_Roth.

At @TectonicTheater there’s no manager finer,

Than skillful good-natured tweep, their @gregreiner.

You’re feeling parched? Let us drink some wassail

With @teresaeyring and @DERagsdale.

If you’ve known me for years this won’t come as a shocker

That I send holiday wishes to old friend @Kockenlocker.

Another longtime associate whose opinions I rate,

Is the veteran publicist @Bubbles2828;

Among new p.r. folk most particular fine,

I list @deniseschneider and @BrookeM1109.

Warm jacket and mittens I send @TDFNYC greeter,

The cheerful and inventive @EricaMTheatre.

At the @NewVictory, for your kids and you,

Works the good-humored @JamieNYC42.

‘Round restored @LincolnCenter these guys built a fine berth,

@SimsJames and Shakespearean @AWShuttleworth.

Though she’s mostly afar, on the dance floor I’d twirl

My Aussie companion, stalwart show gal @DramaGirl;

While we’re Down Under we’ll get our egg nog on,

For writers @elissablake and @alisoncroggon.

At this season of kindness I must also bless,

Humanist playwright @GwydionS;

To the convicts at Sing Sing @_PlainKate_ brings the art,

She’s admired by me and most astute @TheaterSmart.

There are so many playwrights whose debts we are in,

But I name only @kristofferdiaz and The New School’s @chris_shinn.

To past homes of employment highest praises I’ll sing:

@HartfordStage, @GoodspeedMusicl, @gevatheatre, @TheWing.

For those not found here, please don’t be offended,

Since holiday cheer’s what I fully intended,

It may be that your handle was too tough to rhyme,

Or that after much effort, I ran out of time.

To all who have patience with my obsession Twitter

I shower you all with confetti and glitter,

Here’s to the topics into which we will delve

In the next theater year, two thousand and twelve.

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  • Cynthiaf

    I am in awe!

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